Happy Birthday Mommy!

It's hard to believe that today my mom turns 53 years old. Where have the years gone...where are they going? I still look at my mom and see that young hip mom that took me to so many concerts, the cool mom that all my friends wished they had, the crazy mom that drove me and my friends by boys houses (that we had crushes on) and honked (we thought we would die). How can this woman be 53? Not that 53 is old...the closer I get to it the younger it seems. ;) I'm so thankful that 53 years ago my wonderful grandmother brought her into this world. I'm so glad that my wonderful grandfather showed her how to have fun in life. I'm thankful that I have her as a mother and that McKenna has her as a grandmother. My mother is my best friend, my worst enemy...at times, my shoulder to cry on, my cook...every now & then, my babysitter, and the list could go on and on and on. I hope you have a wonderful birthday! I love you mommy!

Strong Legs

I'm sitting here at the computer sending out pics of McKenna to an old friend of mine while Jesse lifts weights. Just a second ago he yells out "she gave me a bloody nose!"...what? I replied "who gave you a bloody nose?" to which he answered "McKenna...she kicked me". I didn't know if he was kidding or not so I told him to come show me...he was not kidding! I know my little angel has some strong legs because the other day at the store she kicked mom in the face hitting her glasses and me in the chin...our faces were close to her feat because we were making her laugh...guess she got the last laugh. I guess the lesson to learn here is not to put your face near McKenna's legs next time you see her.

Just One More

Have you ever said I wish I had just one more? Just one more...slice of pizza, day of vacation, yummy cookie, hour in the day. I found myself wishing for just one more as I lay awake in bed tonight. Just one more year...month...day...or even minute to spend with Daddy Ken. If I could have just one more minute I would hug him so tight, tell him how much I love him, and how very much I have missed him since he left. Just one more...but then I started thinking...that one more year...month...day...or minute still would not be enough to make me happy. I would still want just one more. Mom always told me to spend as much time as possible with my grandparents because one day they would be gone and I would wish for the days back. She told me these words from her own experience. I'm so thankful she did. I'm thankful she took me to visit once a week...sometimes more. I'm thankful for the wonderful memories I have of Daddy Ken and the wonderful memories I'm still making with grandmommy.

As I was typing this I started thinking of the Diamond Rio song "One More Day" (the lyrics are below).

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

Chorus

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do. With one more day with you

Chorus

Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day

Snickerdoodles

Yesterday a vendor brought in a cookie tray for my department. I resisted those cookies for hours then finally broke down when I saw there was a snickerdoodle. I was so excited to see that snickerdoodle! I lifted the lid, gently picked up the perfect snickerdoodle, wrapped it up, & carried it to my desk. You might wonder why I was so excited over a snickerdoodle cookie...I'll tell you. Growing up grandmommy cooked many wonderful things for me...fried chicken that nobody can beat (not even KFC!), lumpy mashed potatoes, pie crust, cake, & her fabulous snickerdoodles. I sat at my desk looking at the snickerdoodle & also looking at the picture of grandmommy & daddy Ken that I have at my desk. I thought about all the times I was so happy she made those wonderful cookies...just a cookie brought so much happiness. My taste buds were going crazy thinking about how wonderful that cookie was going to be...sadly they were very disappointed...it was nothing like the cookies I had enjoyed as a child...it was nasty! The other day grandmommy told me she hasn't cooked in over a month...she said she has no reason to she said...well, to this I say MAKE SOME SNICKERDOODLES. :)

Little Bit

The other day I saw a little girl on the back of a motorcycle being driven by a older man. I immediately thought of all the fun times Daddy Ken took me riding on his motorcycle as a little girl. Lots of times we would have Boz (his talented black Cocker Spaniel...the reason I wanted a black Cocker Spaniel as an adult) in a milk crate on the very back of the bike. I remember the big windshield on the bike & how I could hear the radio playing when we would come to a stop. As a adult mom told me about Daddy Ken taking grandmommy (& Boz too I think) all the way to Arlington on that motorcycle. I can't imagine grandmommy riding all that way on a motorcycle...what must her hair have looked like...even with a helmet!
For several of the past years when I would say "I love you" to Daddy Ken he would say "little bit" & I would reply "whole lot". Even though he said little bit I knew he meant whole lot too. This would be the way we would say goodbye on the phone or in person. Every day I see or hear something (as simple as two little words) that make me think of Daddy Ken & bring back wonderful memories & puts a smile on my face. Miss you...whole lot!

Letters

Yesterday I received the phone call I have dreaded my entire life...Daddy Ken was gone. It's so hard for me to believe even as I type the words. I am truly broken hearted. I can't sleep...I haven't slept all night. While I was laying in bed thinking of all my memories of Daddy Ken I started thinking of all the letters we wrote to each other while he was away. I know I kept all the letters because I loved all the drawings that he did on the envelopes. I never thought then that I would try to find those letters for words of comfort...but I did. I started digging in boxes that I have in my closet desperate to find the letters...I need to know that he's ok...I need a sign. I came across a group of pictures that I carried in my wallet as a teenager...the first picture was of my brother & the second picture was of Daddy Ken. He looks so young & so handsome...the way I remember him when we were best pals on Saturday mornings. I found a folded white handkerchief in the box that I knew was one he had drawn on even before I opened it. When I opened it I was so happy...it does have his wonderful drawings on it but it was the words on it that brought the smile to my face..."Happy Birthday Ginger!"...it was dated 1986 but I found it in time for my birthday this year...it's like he's telling me happy birthday. When I reached the bottom of the box I found a few of the letters he wrote me. The first one I opened was dated June 27, 1991...it's folded into three sections & the section I saw first said "Nan Mama & Daddy C are together again. No pain no worries evermore. Happy where they worked to go all their lives. We are because they lived!" in the same letter he talks about his family keeping him from "going crazy"... "best of all is the fact that I have a good wife. As you go through life always remember that in your lifetime the person to person experiences are more important than any thing else. Keep those close to you in your heart. Your mother and daddy are important and always will be." The second letter I opened was dated August 9, 1991 he says "People often say things that hurt the ones they love. I remember many times when those I loved the most either said or did things that hurt me just because. We must be bigger than that for we are supposed to be strong you & I." The third letter I opened was from February 2, 1992 he says "remember to always keep things in proper order as to importance...I don't have to tell you the order I am sure you have had good training from home. Cindy is a good mother I am sure for I taught her myself." he goes on to tell me of the good times we will share when we are together again then at the end of the letter he says "miss me but carry on with your life"...there it was...my sign...he's telling me through his own writings that he is ok...no pain no worries evermore...he's with his mother and daddy that he loved so very much...be strong...miss him but carry on. I wish I could hug him & tell him I love him (& hear him respond with "little bit" & a smile) just one more time. I pray that he will watch over my daughter. I can't wait to tell her stories about her Daddy Ken...I only wish she could have known him the way I knew him. All those years that he was away I was broken hearted & longed for him to come home now today I sit broken hearted & long for the day I can go home & see him again. I love you & miss you Daddy Ken.

Spit Up

After I was done cleaning the kitchen tonight I sat down on the couch next to Jesse to watch a movie. Jesse had been feeding McKenna & was ready to hand her off to me so he could eat a snack. As he handed her to me she spit up...a bunch...all over me! Why does she ALWAYS spit up on me I asked?!?!? She doesn't do it to other people...just me...why? I handed her back to Jesse & went to clean up & change my pj's. As I was cleaning the spit up off my arm & leg I was thinking to myself how glad I'll be when she's not spitting up anymore. All of the sudden I told myself to stop...don't even think that...she's growing too fast as it is....what's a little spit up going to hurt? I'm learning to be careful with what I wish for or what I cant wait for. I'll catch myself thinking how I cant wait till she can say mommy I love you or ask to hold my hand but then I stop...when she can do those things it'll be because she's older & that's a thought I'm not ready for. The past four months have flown by & with each day that passes I realize how fast time is going continue to fly. Every moment with her is a moment that I can never get back. So with that in mind I say cover me in spit up...I'm blessed to have her here to spit up on me. :)